Catch The Jew! by Tuvia Tenenbom

By Tuvia Tenenbom

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Catch the Jew! recounts the adventures of Tuvia Tenenbom, who wanders round Israel of our time calling himself “Tobi the German.” during various interviews Tuvia extracts info, sentiments, hidden theories and delusional visions motivating the miscellany of peoples forming the present-day Holy Land.

Does Palestinian spouse number 1 hate the Jews greater than she hates spouse quantity ? Who does a tender German vacationer hate extra, her useless Nazi grandpa or the just-born Jewish child? Who funds cash-rich NGOs pursuing a Judenrein Israel? Who units Palestinian olive groves on fireplace and why? What do you spot from a Piper Cherokee above a Bedu camp? who're the flaming feminists who sacrifice their lives for the rights of polygamists? Whose land is that this, anyway?

In the process his seven-months trip Tobi the German discovers Syrian flags turning out to be inside of apples, she-asses who was once males, five-star refugee camps, flying prophets, cash-loving guardians of the bad, masturbating clergymen in everlasting love of Palestinians, human rights activists in everlasting hatred of Jews, cash-rich rabbis with no congregations, households starting to be in cemeteries – between many others.

Catch the Jew!, the main funny composition at the center East to this point, is a polyglot spin round a cultural miscegenation in a truly small house. notwithstanding, its never-daunted writer unearths that with labneh, strudel, olive oil, apple pie, kebab, rugelach, hummus and schnitzel, a cheerful tummy can undergo us via even the main appalling concerns. other than the realization.

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I ask him. ” Do you speak Arabic? ” Do you speak Spanish? ” Lucky me, I don’t speak one word of Spanish either. Do you speak – “Speak Greek. ” I speak Greek as well as I speak Spanish, and so I try English and Arabic in a Greek accent. Maybe he will understand something. I want to do an interview for the paper, big paper. In Germany. He smiles. Shu esmak (What’s your name)? ” he says. 55 Picture of you? ” Picture of you and I handshake, a la Rabin and Arafat? “Okay. ” *** I walk down a floor and sit at a corner, only to soon be disturbed by priests walking by with burning incense.

A nice guy, no doubt. 3 meters long and weighing 580 tons. In those days there were no cranes, and I can’t even fathom how King Herod pulled this off. The length of the Western Wall, including the parts that you can see only from here: half a kilometer. Just amazing. Why 34 did King Herod, a non-Jew, bother to build such a huge thing? ” Is that why he killed all the rabbis, except for the one he blinded? ” This is an important answer: born Jews don’t gouge out the eyes of others, only gentiles do.

Was he buried here? ” And what do you say? “I say: What’s the difference? Jesus is alive, and that’s all that matters. He got up alive from his grave, he is alive, and he is in heaven with God. ” *** I go out of the garden and take a look at the Old City facing me. The Christians have their Son of God, Muslims their Messenger of God, Jews their Wife/Presence of God. The Son was buried here, the Messenger flew up from here, and the Wife is still here. Any wonder that the three monotheistic religions fight each other to the death for this parcel of land?

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